a while back i mentioned i would be starting a mini-series.
you can read more about the series and what it means/why it was started here. i would love for you to read more and share it. i have yet to see something like this in the blog world and i think more woman need to be reminded of how lovely they are.
each installment will have bloggers sharing at least two self-portraits (more are welcomed).
one of themselves feeling vulnerable.
one of themselves feeling lovely.
i figured i should start.
courageous enough to share if i’m being honest.
there was a time in college that comes to mind.
my roommate and I joined an organization on campus that desired to share
most of the people were fantastic – loving, compassionate, genuinely interested
in others walk with the Lord and in pouring into the lives of others. sounds fantastic
right? well it was for a season. i went on some retreats, was poured into, made some good friendships, and really grew in my relationship with God. then came a new semester and things just started to crumble. i had not been able to go on the summer mission trip with most of the group, so i felt left out, and when we started “recruiting” new people something started clicking. they would go door to door in the dorm rooms and talk with the girls about the group – it was then that i noticed this “image” they were after – and my heart sank. if the girls looked like they belonged in a hollister ad – they really talked the organization up – and really invested in the conversations, if the girls looked a little more “plain jane” or “different” they just said “oh we would love for you to swing by”. i started thinking about how MY first experience went – and how my roommate was truly beautiful (inside and out). i started noticing my insecurities – overweight, acne, red streaks in my hair, punk attitude, a little out there…would they have accepted me with open arms without my roommate? i started to question a lot of things, and expressed some of those concerns with some of my friends – they felt the same, and we left the group. all of my other “friends” in the group stopped talking to me – would hardly ackowledge me if i passed – and stopped investing. now at the time i may have blown it out of proportion but my heart was shattered. just because i didn’t fit the “image” they wanted they shut me out. it was a really hard time emotionally – because i felt like such an outcast. (just on record: the organization is no longer like this – incredible people have really turned around some of those backwards ideals and they are truly reaching people for Jesus – it’s beautiful) i felt like i wasn’t lovely, wasn’t good enough, wasn’t picked first. i felt like MY whole package just didn’t measure up – and it sucked.