today you get to meet jenny from | wonderfully complex |.
she is such a delightful woman.
a woman who digs deep and isn’t afraid to make things happen.
she is an encouragement and i must tell you, her part in this series blew me away.
she was raw, vulnerable, and all together lovely.
you are lovely | sixth installment
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“You are altogether
beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
This Scripture was my anthem during sophomore year of
college. It was God’s love letter to me, a reassurance that He delicately made
the heartbroken woman I saw in the mirror, and He declared His workmanship
beautiful.
college. It was God’s love letter to me, a reassurance that He delicately made
the heartbroken woman I saw in the mirror, and He declared His workmanship
beautiful.
Even more, He saw the extra 30 pounds she was carrying, the
acne scarring her cheeks and the circles under her eyes, and He said “there is
no flaw in you.”
acne scarring her cheeks and the circles under her eyes, and He said “there is
no flaw in you.”
To this day I still struggle to believe Him.
I almost took the easy way out with the vulnerable
self-portrait. A quick picture with unkempt hair and no make-up, and I would be
good to go. But it’s never bothered me to go outside the house with no makeup
or to even take pictures of my 5 a.m. self ,
so I knew that would be a cop-out.
self-portrait. A quick picture with unkempt hair and no make-up, and I would be
good to go. But it’s never bothered me to go outside the house with no makeup
or to even take pictures of my 5 a.m. self ,
so I knew that would be a cop-out.
When I saw my white shorts in the back of my closet this
week, I knew what I had to do. I originally bought these shorts because they
were a size 0 and they fit – a number I hadn’t seen since high school – a
number we’ve been brainwashed to associate with words like “thin,” “beautiful,”
“fit.” In my eyes, it was the perfect reward for how far I’d come from those
heavier days.
week, I knew what I had to do. I originally bought these shorts because they
were a size 0 and they fit – a number I hadn’t seen since high school – a
number we’ve been brainwashed to associate with words like “thin,” “beautiful,”
“fit.” In my eyes, it was the perfect reward for how far I’d come from those
heavier days.
Only nine months later, and I can barely button these
shorts. The extra weight I’ve gained hangs over the waistband as a constant
reminder that I no longer live up to those high standards of beauty the world
has pressed upon each of us.
shorts. The extra weight I’ve gained hangs over the waistband as a constant
reminder that I no longer live up to those high standards of beauty the world
has pressed upon each of us.
The self-portrait was harder than I thought. I caught myself
sucking in, looking for the most flattering angle, turning my head slightly to
camouflage my lazy eye. Then, finally, telling myself to relax and remember that
this is what vulnerability is all about.
sucking in, looking for the most flattering angle, turning my head slightly to
camouflage my lazy eye. Then, finally, telling myself to relax and remember that
this is what vulnerability is all about.
I felt anything but lovely in that moment.
I feel lovely when I’ve been in my pajamas all day, but my
husband can’t keep his hands off me. I feel beautiful when there’s not enough
time to fix my hair, yet everyone tells me how great it looks. I feel gorgeous
when I slip into my favorite little black dress that hits me in all the right
places.
husband can’t keep his hands off me. I feel beautiful when there’s not enough
time to fix my hair, yet everyone tells me how great it looks. I feel gorgeous
when I slip into my favorite little black dress that hits me in all the right
places.
Beauty not born of my own effort, not a thing earned by
something I’ve done. No that’s a beauty created by the Heavenly Father above,
who knew exactly what He was doing when He knit together these love handles and
this curly-haired head with this athletic form.
something I’ve done. No that’s a beauty created by the Heavenly Father above,
who knew exactly what He was doing when He knit together these love handles and
this curly-haired head with this athletic form.
And every time I scoff at the image staring back at me in
the mirror, it’s the same as telling God His masterpiece is not good enough.
the mirror, it’s the same as telling God His masterpiece is not good enough.
Yet, still He whispers, “You
are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
I don’t know why vulnerability is hard for everyone, but I
know why it’s hard for me. My college friends once told me they were
intimidated by me before they actually got to know me. They said I wore
confidence like it was a favorite sweater. But, in reality, it was more like
armor.
know why it’s hard for me. My college friends once told me they were
intimidated by me before they actually got to know me. They said I wore
confidence like it was a favorite sweater. But, in reality, it was more like
armor.
Everyone has always said, “Confidence is beautiful.” If you
act like you’re beautiful, then maybe everyone will begin to believe you are.
But when confidence is an act, there’s a constant fear someone will learn the
truth – then everyone will know you’re not as pretty, as intelligent as
passionate as you portrayed yourself to be.
act like you’re beautiful, then maybe everyone will begin to believe you are.
But when confidence is an act, there’s a constant fear someone will learn the
truth – then everyone will know you’re not as pretty, as intelligent as
passionate as you portrayed yourself to be.
That’s why vulnerability is hard. Because we know when we’re
stripped of all our armor – our makeup, our degree, our funny jokes – everyone
might not like what they see. Yet, I’ve found God uses these vulnerable moments
to create something truly beautiful…
stripped of all our armor – our makeup, our degree, our funny jokes – everyone
might not like what they see. Yet, I’ve found God uses these vulnerable moments
to create something truly beautiful…
… late night messages to my mother half-way across the
world, “I hate the way I am right now. I don’t feel beautiful anymore”…
world, “I hate the way I am right now. I don’t feel beautiful anymore”…
…breaking down in front of my best friend senior year, “I
can’t do this anymore, I’m just so tired…”
can’t do this anymore, I’m just so tired…”
…making it to the wedding night, “here I am, all of me… is
it everything you thought it would be?”
it everything you thought it would be?”
And God responded through each of these loved ones, “You are altogether, beautiful, my love;
there is no flaw in you.”
there is no flaw in you.”
I’m not saying God overlooks the brokenness of my sinful
nature. He loves me too much to leave me to my fleshly desires, but instead
continues His process of sanctification in my life daily.
nature. He loves me too much to leave me to my fleshly desires, but instead
continues His process of sanctification in my life daily.
I am saying that God looks at me, His creation, and sees all
the delicate, inner parts He knit together in my mother’s womb. Like a master
chef, He created the perfect “Jenny” recipe – a tablespoon of competitiveness,
a cup of curly brown hair, and several handfuls for desire to write – and when
He was done, He declared it marvelous.
the delicate, inner parts He knit together in my mother’s womb. Like a master
chef, He created the perfect “Jenny” recipe – a tablespoon of competitiveness,
a cup of curly brown hair, and several handfuls for desire to write – and when
He was done, He declared it marvelous.
And it’s out of this knowledge that we can be truly
confident – that God loves us more than we could ever know or ever hope for –
that He intentionally created us with purpose and beauty – and one day we’ll
shed these earthly bodies for new heavenly ones.
confident – that God loves us more than we could ever know or ever hope for –
that He intentionally created us with purpose and beauty – and one day we’ll
shed these earthly bodies for new heavenly ones.
And, until then He declares, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”
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see more of the you are lovely series here.
i love Jenny! and even more so after reading this post! i think i say this every time, but i am so glad you are doing this series!! each post is full of so much truth & something that hits me hard at the time that i read it.
hearing the truth of how the Lord sees me is really what i needed after these last few weeks. i don't know why it's so hard to believe Him but it is. i need that reminder every day!
Oh my goodness, this brought me to tears! I can relate to Jenny in so many different ways. Some of the things she said are things I said about myself just yesterday. But I'm reminded that even thought I've acquired 20+ pounds since last summer, that to God I'm still beautiful! Thanks so much, Jenny, for your raw honesty and Amy for creating this series!
Jenny, I love this post.
I can relate in so many ways, and it was so encouraging to my heart to read this.
Thanks for your vulnerability, and for your sweet spirit in writing these words.
Amy, I so appreciate this series!
It will be on my "Happy Reads" list tomorrow! 🙂
Jenny, you ARE lovely! 🙂 As I've been saying with each new post Amy publishes in this series, I love your perspective! We have so very much to learn about what NOT to focus on as women…Thank you for being so honest. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for reminding us about what going to God looks like!
wow. this is incredibly beautiful. thank you for being so raw and honest with us, jenny. such a good reminder. god made us perfectly. you are beautiful inside and out.
GIRL! Your legs are a mile long! I know that has nothing to do with this post, but I noticed it in the shot of you sitting in the chair. You are certainly beautiful. I love this scripture!
GIRL! Your legs are a mile long! I know that has nothing to do with this post, but I noticed it in the shot of you sitting in the chair. You are certainly beautiful. I love this scripture!
Love the honesty in this post. I just happened upon this series & love it oh so much. I can so relate to what so many of these girls have said. Thanks for sharing!