i am so excited for y’all to hear from genna | freed at last |
she is such a beautiful woman inside and out.
her heart is transparent and i loved reading her story – because i related.
i’m sure you will relate with her too.
man, she is lovely.
enjoy genna’s story.
On January 1, 2012 my best friend got down on his knee and asked me to marry him. The days to follow were filled with pure elation, early planning and lots of love from family and friends.
…until I realized this would require dress shopping.
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| You could say I was an emotional basket case. |
I’ve never been a good shopper. Until middle school I refused to wear jeans because I never had a pair that fit well didn’t like the way the felt. I have two younger sisters who are much smaller body-wise than I and look good in seriously everything. Number-wise: I’m a 16/18, they’re 4/6s.
Talk about comparison shopping.
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| From my two recent bridal showers. Physically they’re built differently than me and smaller and aren’t they beautiful? |
Dress shopping was a huge anxiety trigger for me. Shopping in general is difficult for a curvy girl, but add to that the judgement of my sisters and my mom (all with very different style, may I add) and I was a wreck beforehand. The whole drive there I was just imagining all the ways it would go wrong.
Wedding dress shopping isn’t what you see on TV (or I guess it could be, especially if you watch Bridezillas). It’s hard, especially if you have a specific (read: not a size 4…or even a 10-the sample size of most dresses) shape or size to work with. I tried on a lot of dresses. Mermaids courtesy of my youngest sister, tight form fitters courtesy of my older younger sister and dresses of every shape.
None of them were me and I was growing discouraged. I didn’t feel pretty. There was too much arm fat here, too much back fat there, way too much muffin top in that!
Lies, lies, lies.
I saw a dress on a mannequin when I walked in that really stood out. I tried it on and I fell in love. My sisters and my mom weren’t excited about it. They liked a different super form fitting, mermaid style dress, but I decided this was it and I told them so. Still not tears or happy claps or anything from them. Were they happy for me? Yes. Elated? No.
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| I felt the dress fit our winter wedding style perfectly. Soft, flowing skirt and some almost-snowflake-looking beading |
I have spent a lot of time in the last 2+ years (yes, I bought it in November 2012) looking at my pictures of the dress trying to pick out what it was that drew me to it.
At my final fitting I realized it: it hides all my insecurities.
Ball gown = no muffin top, hair down = no back fat/hiding part of arm fat, long veil = making the rest of arm fat look translucent, wedding day makeup = hiding all my acne scars/blemishes.
But I felt gorgeous. I felt lovely on my wedding day because those things were gone.
But you know what? They were gone in my eyes.
When I was writing this post, I showed my now-husband Cameron my vulnerable picture.
No makeup, fresh out of the shower, no hair to hide behind, double chin and all. And do you know what he said? This was his favorite look of mine. I was flabbergasted! Why?! He said he loved that my eyes stood out and as soon as my hair comes out of the towel it’s natural and curly.
What?
This threw me off. My most vulnerable was his most lovely and that. spoke. volumes.
This is me, how he sees me and how he loves me. Hiding my flaws makes me feel lovely, showing them and being natural is lovely to him.
The Hollywood/Pinterest standards tell us that getting dolled up, whether or not in a wedding dress, is beautiful. Hide the blemishes, squeeze into your spanks and if you have a muffin top, stop eating. In reality, God made us like we are/naturally for a reason.
And to me, it was no coincidence that Cameron like my natural picture, saying it was “me.”
interested in hearing the stories of other lovely women?
head on over to the | you are lovely | page and check out who all has participated.
