i was wrestling through something the other morning.
i was searching pinterest for healthy recipes and i decided to look through my most recent pins…and i found myself hitting this spot of comparison, coveting, and feeling less than; and man that was so stupid…but we all do it. i find myself doing it all of the time with instagram (i’ve talked about this before too) and with conversations and ___________. this comparison game is insane.
not only that, but i feel like i should be doing more.
and then i enter this battle of balance and time and money and thoughts.
i look at the things i’ve pinned, or liked, or talked about – and how much have i actually put into action? my to-do list grows but things don’t get crossed off.
and why am i crossing things off to begin with?
is it for the eyes of others?
for them to covet my pretty spaces and my fitness goals and for MY pride?
or is it for me? for me to find peace, to bring the Lord glory with good steps forward?
pride – man it is something we all struggle with, and we hardly realize it.
i was listening to a sermon the other day and a few sentences just slapped me hard in the face.
the pastor was talking about pride and how we really marinate in it – how we not only tear ourselves down when we compare to others and don’t feel like we measure up, but how in the same breath we then tear someone else down. for instance – if we are at a restaurant and we eat something that makes us feel guilty (i do this all the time) then we look around the restaurant to find someone who is bigger than us eating something even worse. conviction. or we sit there and say “i’m not as pretty as she is, but man i’m happy i’m not as ugly as that girl”.
we do these things.
we can play it off all we want – but we do.
and the Lord knows our thoughts…the ones we don’t filter to be spoken.
and so with this pride.
the things i want to accomplish – the things that are floating through my head…
…why am i doing them – what is their purpose.
it’s something i’m chewing on and something i know i will continue to wrestle with.
it reminds me of the scripture in psalm 51:10
…am i being renewed?
and if so, am i acting on that new sense of redemption?
is my spirit unwavering (steadfast) in the midst of comparison, or am i still being easily swayed?
it’s a lot to chew on…but i’m thankful to be nudged by God.
