I was at my first Holy Yoga evening at my church last week and had a rather awakening moment.
Let me start off by saying that the evening began on a sour note due to a monthly friend NOT being very nice and my body hurting and my mind all over the place. I found myself trying to focus and really listen to what my sweet friend Ashley was saying as she was moving us through each movement. I paused and listened to the scripture she read and found myself getting lost in the words of each song. It was truly a worship experience all while my poor little body was shaking from the strength needed to hold each pose.
At the end of the session we had “rest time” where we were to lay still and either pray, listen to the worship song, or simply rest. The leaders would come around with essential oils to lay hands and pray over us (you can easily say no to this and they won’t touch you hah). I found myself laying in that position just praying for God to move, to speak, and for me to be open enough to listen.
The moment I smelt the oils and felt the hands gently move over my temples to cradle my neck and press my shoulders down I felt an overwhelming sense of emotion. Tears began to spring from my eyes and my breathe became long. I was overcome by the power of a simple touch. For the last few years I’ve noticed how truly moving physical touch can be. Not in a sexual way, but in a welcoming, encouraging, comforting, happy-to-see-you type of thing. Those touches, are moving.
I found myself spiraling down this place of DEEP emotional and mental conviction of how closed off I’ve become. How absolutely AGAINST physical touch. I used to be the biggest hugger on the planet and now I slightly cringe when people come in for a hug. It’s the oddest thing and I find myself trying to pin point when I went from a lover and giver of physical touch to one who attempts to avoid it. Time and time again I’m reminded of how much we need that comfort. I think of sweet babies and how they thrive when they are held, touched, comforted by someone. We need that too, no matter how old we are. A simple squeeze of a shoulder can make all the difference ya know?
I was just talking with a friend how I feel I’ve lost a piece of myself over the last few years. I have not known how to really accept / process the changes thrown at me and so I found myself just building walls and becoming closed off just to make it through. I shouldn’t be living my life like that, and neither should you. I’m trying to be more mindful of being joyful, of playing like a child, of just letting things go. I want to be weird again, spontaneous, exuberant. All of this was sparked by a moment where I let my guard and walls down to be open to hearing what God wanted to say and what I was too afraid to face.
Sometimes to get to where we want to be it means facing more change, even when we have already walked through so much. I find myself repeating this mantra to myself almost daily, “You can do hard things.” YOU CAN; I promise, you can.
