This week has been hard.
It’s been physically, emotionally, and mentally just draining. I know we’ve all had those seasons of life where we are doing so so good and then we get a gut punch that just kind of makes you pause and evaluate before moving forward.
I wouldn’t say it’s THAT severe, but it’s been an eye-opener to take better care of myself. I’ve also injured my hip in some way and that’s been another indicator that I need to make my health a priority again. Better food, more stretching, more water, more rest, and more uplifting self dialogue.
Q | Is your life what you imagined?
To put it simply: Yes & No.
I guess we could get super deep here and go on for 13 pages on how if we go through different stages of my life and what I imagined I’ve either succeeded or failed depending on the situation. Imaginations are a funny thing – full of hope or dread, joy or anxiety, creativity or emptiness….it’s just fun to stop and think of how many places we can go in our own minds. I’ve learned throughout experience to not expect TOO much of things but to take it day by day / situation by situation and move forward with that. So instead of taking too much time and going over all the things I’m just going to do a little brain dump and write with whatever comes to mind.
I can fully admit I never thought I wouldn’t have my parents around until they weren’t.
Now that it has been 17 and 15 years since they left this earth it’s become my normal.
I never thought I would leave Charleston.
Then I ended up marrying Eddie and I found myself moving 5 times in 2 years with a few more moves to come. WOOF, that was a transition.
I never thought I wouldn’t really be involved in a church community.
Yet moving away and not settling in brings a sense of being a nomad that I am unfamiliar with. I’m also, honestly, working through finding a church home and am waiting on Eddie to get here to make that decision with me. Jesus & myself aren’t in the best place but not in the worst either. We’re walking through a season and it’s been eye-opening, refreshing, hard, and there is more to come. I’m looking forward to finding that place to plug in, serve, and grow in relationship with others!
I always hoped to be married and I am and it’s glorious even when it’s hard.
It’s different than when I imagined it as a child, a teen, a college student, and a girl in my twenties. I never thought I would marry a military man and sure enough that’s who I fell in love with. I have realized how much of a constant state of self-sacrifice you have to be in. How compromise doesn’t always come easy, communication has to be worked for, and it’s truly a choice to love that person every day (and that choice has to be nurtured). All things I had been told AND believed to be true but am learning now from experience.
I thought I would be a youth pastor well into my 40s.
It’s what I went to school for and had a deep passion for. I was a youth pastor for about 4 years of my life and then volunteered for many before/after that season. The church I was a part of while leading the youth ended up falling apart and I was out of not only a job but friendships, relationships, and a passion – as well as a degree. It stomped out that fire and left me completely at a loss on what to do next. While I do not have the burning drive to get back into youth ministry I will always hold teenagers and their crazy ways in a special place in my heart. It’s beautiful to watch people grow and change.
I imagined having lots of children.
At different times in my life I always envisioned at least 3-4 babies with curly hair. A part of that comes from my southern culture where the urge to get married young and start having a family is as strong as the sweet tea. The boy I dated throughout high school and was off/on with emotionally for years after was one of 8 and I was sure we would get married and have at least 5. The guy I fell in love with in college was one of 7 and I was sure we would get married and have 3 or 4. After growing into who I was as a woman and later into my twenties I had hit a place where I wasn’t sure if I truly wanted children or if it was something that I just felt like I should do as a woman, something that was expected of me to do. I actually wrote a super long post on this (a year and a day ago!) of what I say when people ask if we are having children.
Where am I at a year and a day later after that post? I’m about the same if not a little more leaning towards children. I’m still not 100% on the decision but I also only seen my husband for about a month and a half the last year (thanks military) and I would just like some me + him time before walking into that conversation (although little Eddie’s would be the cutest).
I thought I would live in my old house forever.
Well, maybe not forever but for a long long time….and then, again, Eddie came along (you nerd!). Now my brother & my sister in law live there and have made so many incredible changes that it’s completely their house and I love going as a visitor. I actually told them recently that I was afraid I would always feel like it was “my home” but I no longer feel like that’s my space, but theirs and it’s been really awesome and refreshing.
How about you?
Has your life turned out the way you imagined it?