Yesterday I found myself perched on the sofa in our sunroom surrounded by anxious thoughts. This season is one of uncertainty and sickness has always been a trigger for my anxious mind. Finally I opened my Bible to spend time with Jesus. I wish that I could say I have been doing this daily to ground myself but it just isn’t true. I was afraid to spend time with Jesus even though I know it will bring me so much peace. I’ve been walking through this study of Jeremiah for over a year now (see, long suffering with my relationship with Jesus) and each time I read a chapter I glean so much from it.
Yesterday’s chapter was chapter 17 and it was a good one, as they all are. The first question of each day’s study is to write out the verse that stands sets apart this chapter. I found my mind and my heart leaning in deep to these 4 verses. Jesus spoke a blanket of understanding and peace over me in a way that I desperately needed.
Lately I think I’ve been the one who trusts & puts my trust in mankind & have made my flesh the source of my strength. I’ve turned to others for guidance, comfort, kindness, knowledge, and love first without seeking those from the Lord. I’ve been trying to find my strength in flesh (humans), in anyone, in myself…instead of leaning on the Lord.
I have become that bush in the desert; parched by salt and looking for the stream of life.
My soul longs to be the tree with abundant roots who is next to the living water, constantly being fed. The one who does not fear the unknown because I know in the end my God wins. For I am His, and He is mine.
I have found myself scrolling too much. Reading too many articles and scrolling through instagram and facebook to inform myself more. Instead of being informed I am teetering on anxious. I keep stepping back from myself and I can’t believe this is where we are as a society…it feels like we are living in a movie. I’m recognizing that I am sometimes borderline obsessing over the information instead of knowing what I need to and finding peace in the rest.
MY HOPE: To spend less time scrolling and more time doing things that bring me peace and joy. I want to listen to more worship music, pray more, and do things that have been sitting on my to-do list. I want to limit my phone time on social media and be present with my husband. I want to call / text / video chat my friends and family. I want to organize all the areas in our home (PURGE, PURGE, PURGE!) that give me stress. There needs to be more stretching in my days, more sitting outside, hopefully some walks scattered in. I want to challenge myself with cooking more and being creative with the items we have in stock.
MY PRAYER: Is that this season of chaos with COVID-19 will bring me back to a place of yielding fruit. Back to a place of resting in Jesus and putting Him first in all things.
What are you hopeful for?
What are you praying for?
