I had a relative call me yesterday to chat about booking a boudoir session with my photography business. We went through the conversation and she was upfront in saying that she was on the fence; just like 90% of the women I interact with when booking a shoot like this and even how I feel about myself. It basically boils down to not feeling super comfortable or confident in our skin. While chatting with her I said a few things that I knew didn’t just come from me, it was like divine intervention of being reminded that I do need to love my body.
Let’s rewind for a second. If you’ve been around here for years then you know, but if you’re new here let me introduce myself to you really quick: Hi, Amy I’m and I have food addition and struggle hard with comparison. I have been the queen of negative self talk and am constantly trying to live a life that is healthier and well rounded…and then I get unmotivated and fall out of that mindset and have to continually hit re-start. It’s rough stuff if I’m being honest and it’s incredibly exhausting.
In that conversation I said something that I really needed to hear. I need to make peace with my body…and that’s the truth. Lately I’ve been seeing tidbits from shows/books/conversations where the realization of wasted time and energy has flooded in. WHY should I waste so much emotional energy on hating my body or wishing for it to be better when I can take steps of action. YET I need to also know that in those steps of action it may never get me to the place of what I would consider the “perfect body” and instead I need to look at it as the perfect body for me.
I need to be working towards a healthier me.
Working on moving my body more in ways that it can. Not wallowing in the fact that I’ve been facing injuries and truly can’t do the workouts I love and am used to but instead have to do a more gentle approach like walking, yoga, and body weight strength training. Instead of being sad, angry, or jealous of those I see living their best fitness life and feeling frustrated I can’t do what I used to I need to instead look at it as their journey and find my own.
Working on eating foods that will fuel me with proper nutrition and help heal the inflammation that I’ve got going on. Instead of looking at food as comfort and a friend, viewing it as medicine and healing and really thinking through if it will be beneficial or harmful if it’s something I’m reaching for daily. I KNOW that my body has really done/felt/moved better when I flood it with more veggies, fruits and healthy grains vs meat protein, processed carbs, and sugar.
If when doing that my body weight does or doesn’t change then I have to make peace with my body. If I am working towards a healthier me then it really shouldn’t matter what the scale says and I need to restructure my vision to see the good and the strong and the healthy vs the rolls and flaps and fluffiness.
I need to be thankful for the strength and capabilities my body has and find the beauty it offers. Right now I’m battling some serious sciatic pain and I think it has also inflamed the bursitis issue in my hip. I’m hobbling around and can hardly do any of my daily things due to not being able to lift/bend/sit/lay the way I’m used to. It’s uncomfortable and frustrating and makes me a little angry if I’m honest. YET, it also has made me incredibly thankful for the healthy body I normally have on the day to day. I have a body that can walk, move, bend, lift, dance, and so much more and that is something to be thankful for.
So that’s where I’m at friends.
It’s another chapter in this life long book of my living well journey and it feels good to be back in this mindset. I’m hoping to be cooking more recipes (excited to dive into this cookbook) that will fuel my body towards healing, I’m making a doctors appointment to address this back/hip issue and seeing a chiropractor and hopefully getting back into physical therapy, and I’m going to start muting/limiting certain things that draw me further away from the woman God has made me and closer into that nasty comparison trap.
If you’re feeling any of this, know that I’m here if you need to vent/chat/have someone come along side you.
I hope you know, you are loved, worthy, and brave no matter where you are in your journey.
