Since my last check-in was in August I figured it was time to take a few moments of silence in front of the computer and type out where I am, what I’m thinking, and what is happening in this small moment of life I’m living. Who cares that I’m posting at night when it will kill my whole SEO and readership (yay for algorithms)…I just felt like I needed to express and post!
Life still feels super weird doesn’t it? I was just telling a few friends last night how I’m in this funk and I’m not really sure how to explain it other than I’m teetering on the verge of sadness, hope, and feeling number most of the time. I often forget (how?!) that we are still in the midst of a global pandemic and that life is not and probably will not be normal for some time and learning to make even an ounce of peace with that is allowed to be hard.
I’ve found that I’ve gone through ebbs and flows with feeling connected to others in this season. There are moments where friends and I communicate regularly and are at a place to both be able to connect and check in and express where were are and that connection feels good. There are other times when we both are emotionally exhausted and can only do the bare minimum of checking in to keep the tether together; and then there are the time where one feels that they give more than the other. All are ok and all are normal right now. Covid has made put the oddest level of strain in all areas and I’m doing my best to not take anything as hurtful and to hopefully not do anything to someone else that would cause upset. PS – this is about nothing in particular just something I’ve noticed come to be as the lack of physical closeness in friendships brings a level of loneliness.
I wish I was in a closer daily walk with Jesus but if I’m being honest I’ve found myself settling into the quiet corners of my faith with Him. That doesn’t mean I’m not in a good place, it just means I wish I was more in that overwhelming feeling of closeness. And yet, I find myself reaching for Him breath by breath, praying a quick and fervent prayer for someone, finding incredible depth in scriptures I’ve read before, and being on the verge of tears when I think of the grace, mercy, and blessings I currently have. Just today I had an in-depth conversation with a former student of mine (from my years as a youth pastor) and it leveled me with a dose of humility of how good God is and how full-circle things are. Being able to listen and hopefully offer some sense of wisdom was a huge blessing and reminder that God uses even when we feel ill-equipped and for that I’m so thankful. I also really miss the church body and am hopeful for the day when we are back in a church service worshipping, learning, and getting plugged in with others.
Well, I’m still struggling with making peace with my body. Even in writing that post I knew it would be a daily burden to lay down. I have found myself finding solace in my daily walks and use that time as one to listen to podcasts or audio books and feel the sunlight and breath in some fresh air. I’m still not in a mental place of wanting to try to do the workouts I used to but definitely want and need and have been slowly adding some weight lifting, more stretching/yoga, and core work into my daily rhythm. I want to be more disciplined in this to help make my body stronger even if I don’t loose weight as a result. My food has been really off lately and I’ve found solace in eating things that do not bring any benefit to my body. I’ve leaned heavily as food being a comfort vs being fuel and I’m working on re-adjusting my thought process there as well.
Y’all know I had to add this one in. The little boys are not so little anymore. They are so dang cute and also the biggest handful. Shadow (black and white) is still our small man and is at a stage of wanting to jump all over the counters and be involved in everything. Loki (gray and white) is our big boy who likes to keep to himself unless he is near Eddie who he adores. We are getting them neutered next month and I’m hoping it will break some of the small aggressive behaviors we’ve seen as well as help them be a little less needy.
– I’ve really been digging back in to audio books and have found myself really loving the last few I’ve been reading. I just finished The Beautiful (book one) and am currently listening to The Damned (book 2) and there was just a HUGE twist, I love it. I’ve also recently read/listened to: Beach Read, You, & am still in the middle of Midnight Sun (I just can’t finish because it means it’s realllyyyy done).
– I’ve been doing a lot of cooking out of this Half Baked Harvest Super Simple cookbook and I want to buy her other cookbook ASAP.
– I just posted one of my most recent Halloween shoots on my photography blog and I’m IN LOVE with how this one turned out.
Well, we’ve been getting some things done around here that I just haven’t taken the time to share! I need to draft out a few posts for our guest bathroom (still in progress), our master bedroom shelves (that so many of you voted on in my instagram stories!), and I need to give an update on the dinning room (even though it’s not finished). I guess I’ve just been super slack with sitting down to make the content I want to share! That being said we are actually having all of our hardwoods downstairs re-finished due to the Harry Potter closet (closet under the stairs) flooding again. While I am not looking forward to moving all of our stuff around and being out of the house I am happy to have some gleaming fresh hardwood flooring.
So that’s a quick update on me and some of my rambling thoughts.
How are you?
No really, how are you?
What are you enjoying? What’s been hard? What are you hopeful for? I want to know. <3