Frankly Friday…v15

 What is Frankly Friday? 

Let’s define Frankly shall we…

Frankly…
{prepare, this is heavy}
Yesterday was a haze…wanna know why?
It was 8 years since my mom passed away.
{ & It has been 10 years since my father passed away (this past July).}

If i’m honest…most days i’m not fully aware that i don’t have parents…i guess i’ve gotten used to it.
I had parents, and they were amazing and i miss them all of the time; but i’m used to this life now.
Over the last few years their ‘death days’ will come and go and i sometimes don’t even fully realize what the day is…other times i’m fully aware of what the day means.
Losing my father was absolutely horrible, losing my mother…it solidified the fact that i will forever and always have a completely different view on death than most people. It saddens me that when i hear of someone passing away that i’m not as stunned as most, that i completely shut off emotionally and process what needs to happen. I start going through a mental check-list of who needs to know, what needs to be done, how i can help, etc.
I rarely ever process…until i’m alone, sometimes even years later {which is completely unhealthy}.
I think after hearing that i was technically, an orphan, i had a moment of complete stupidity and shut down emotionally, and since then it seems to be a habit i have.
. . .
Last night i spent some time on the phone with my Aunt Di.
We talked about my mom and her time in the hospital {she had Leukemia} and the fact that
she was never, ever, afraid of dying.
Not for a single minute. The only thing that brought her real pain was the thought of leaving my brother  & myself. Her courage was undoubtedly from God and she lived each and every day with a purpose of being intentional and encouraging in her conversations with others.
She embodied love.
. . .
Frankly…there are days when i can talk about my mom for hours and not shed a single tear. Time definitely has been kind in helping to heal some of the raw emotion from losing her (and my father). Then there are other times where just the mention of her name, or a glimpse of her picture and i become weepy. At the moment i’m on the verge of both; i’m having a hard time unclamping my emotions to allow myself a minute to cry and miss what i no longer have.
Ah…tears right?
If i’m to be honest, which is what Frankly Friday is about.
My biggest fear is:
forgetting them.
I refuse to do it, i can’t. I want to be able to one day tell my children “this is who your grandparents were, and here are their stories” and tell them time after time after time.
I’ve already begun to forget the normal day-to-day things; like a weekday night with all four of us in the house. The sound of their voices, the way their eyes would crinkle when they laughed, the stories they shared….all of those are gone.
So, my Aunt & I have decided to help remember them…to remind myself, and my brother who my parents were. Orlando (my bro) and I were so young when they died (bo was 9 when dad died, and then 12 when mom died; i was 13 & 16) that we can’t expect to remember some of the important things.
. . .
So i guess my encouragement to you today: love those you have around you.
Hold them close, memorize the little things because they will not always be there.
Don’t fear, be courageous.
<3
Miss you Mom & Dad…every minute within my heart.

{since it is Christmas time i thought i would share this older photo of them}.
. . .
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