Time for another Frankly Friday!
What is Frankly Friday?
Let’s define Frankly shall we…
frankly |ˈfra ng klē|adverbin an open, honest, and direct manner
. . .
I want this to be a way for all of us to be open, raw, and transparent with not only each other…but with ourselves. I think we put a lot of stock into the “fear” of what others may think of us…into the “fear” of really putting what’s on your heart out there in case someone decides to tear you down.
I’m over the fear & you should be too.
So let’s write…whether it’s about a situation you’re struggling through, a victory you’ve made, a memory that you can’t let go of…anything as long as it’s honest.
. . .
>>>Direction.<<<
It’s a driving force.
It pushes you along a journey in hopes of finding a satisfactory ending.
It breathes motivation and sometimes even worth into your day.
It’s a light on a dark path.
It explains some of the crazy.
It’s needed.
It’s noticed when absent.
& currently it is absent from my life.
This is about being honest right? About breaking down barriers that make us feel like we have to always put on a happy face and really show where we are.
Well today, i’m directionless, and i have been for quite some time.
You never really know how much you need something until you’re without it, you know the whole you always want what you can’t have saying…well this is wanting what i CAN have and not knowing how to get it.
This is what emptiness feels like.
When you’re lacking direction, you’re lacking purpose.
If you were to ask me what my purpose is i would respond, to love, serve, and bring glory to God; and that truly is my purpose…but then if you were to ask me How? {aka what is your direction} i currently am coming up speechless. How am i to serve God? How am i to bring glory and honor to God? What am i to be doing with my life? Where am i going? What am i doing to serve others?
I come up empty handed each and every time…i come back broken each and every time.
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;…” -Psalm 37:5-7
This is really humbling to put out there, i feel lost.
It has been a very, very long time since i’ve felt directionless.
When i was in high school i knew what i wanted to go to school for.
I went to school, didn’t change my major, graduated in four years and dove right into the ministry…then my world fell apart and i’ve been grasping at straws since.
How do you pick up from something that you couldn’t control?
How can you start over when you don’t even know where to begin?
i honestly don’t know.
I’ve been serving here and there, i’ve been praying when it suites me, and i’ve been allowing Satan to create this chasm between me and God.
I’ve allowed my heart to be swayed, abused, mis-guided, and torn apart…how do you face healing after that?
I truly know what it feels like to go before the throne of God feeling ashamed, bruised, hollow, and absolutely furious. I also know that each and every time i approach God, He was already three steps ahead of me loving me and repairing my heart. How many times can something be ripped down before you don’t feel like putting it back up?
Direction is missing in my life, and it is causing me to question a lot of things. I’m thankful though, for this season, for questioning, because with questions i know come answers. Sometimes answers i’m not ready to hear.
“I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me and heard my cry” -Psalm 40:1
There was a question posed in my Bible Study last week:
“What if we became insanely courageous and began to live the stories God has written for us?”
My answer each and every time: The world would change, drastically.
I KNOW that is the solution, but i don’t know how to get there.
I’ve been running from God for so long that i’ve forgotten how to listen. I cry out to him and then shove my fingers in my ears so i’m not responsible for following through with His response. I’ve been unwilling to listen and heal for so long that i’ve forgotten how to listen and how to heal.
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” -Psalm 51:10
So this process of finding my direction has been challenging.
Some days i succeed and spend time alone with God and embrace healing.
Other days…not so much.
I currently find myself able to spout out all of this wisdom and discernment but i am lacking the essential connection of applying it to myself. You know the story, your heart and mind both know something but getting them to actually connect doesn’t seem to happen = my life.
::sigh::
So that is me being frank with myself & with you today.
I’m at an interesting place, a new crossroads if you will, and as frightening and cloudy as it may be, i know without a shadow of a doubt that i am not alone.
. . .
If you wrote a post today that had some frankness to it, make sure you link up!
Amy… it sounds like you are in a similar place to my husband. Directionless. Purposeless. Knowing God in your head but missing it in your heart… even though you really want him in your heart!
I actually made my husband go away for a week with the main purpose of locking himself in a room and spending time with God. Staying there until he heard. Him, a Bible and a notebook. It was a really good place for him to start. Maybe it would help you as well… to take a weekend and do nothing but spend time with God.
Let HIM answer all your questions. Let HIM reveal your purpose and direction. And sometimes it's only one step at a time… and that goes back to what I shared with you earlier this week about saying yes to God. Always. Every time. No matter what. In doing that I have found great direction and purpose. And even when I have days where I'm unsure of my direction and purpose I know that if I say YES GOD that I will still be going in the right direction.
Lost isn't a fun way to live. I've watched my husband live that way for years. Praying you find your path soon and enjoy the purpose God has prepared for you in this season.
Oh man have I been feeling this lately! Lost and questioning everything. But the good news is, you know what you need to do and that's pray and get back on track with God. I will certainly be praying for you <3
I think that's a difficult piece of advice because, in order to "live the stories" that He has written for us, we would have to know His plan…and it isn't up to us to know His plan.
The way I see it is that, if you do find a direction that you feel drawn to, God will allow you to take it if that is His will. He won't put an option in your path if He doesn't want to.
Oh sweety, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I don't have any "wise words" to share with you, but I do want to let you know that you're in my prayers.
amazing scriptures and motivation to keep us going. don't worry friend… we all have those moments… some more frequently than others. the thing that's worth it all is the even stronger relationship you grow with our Lord Saviour.
Keep your head up and it's okay to NOT know!
I can totally relate to this post. Thanks for sharing such an honest viewpoint of your life. I have been praying and praying for guidance and a place for me to serve, and since it's not obvious with an arrow pointing to it, I feel like I'm missing it. I will add you to my prayer journal, that we both find the guidance that we are searching for. If you ever need to talk, know that I'm here!
I just wanted to pop by and tell you I nominated you for the Liebster Award!!! Check out my blog for details!!!
ClassyInAClassroom.blogspot.com
Girl, you have no idea how many times I nodded my head while reading this post! You seriously nailed it when it comes to listening TO God instead of listening FOR things we want to hear. That's something I struggle with all the time.
And I'm also in that directionless state. I'm in that odd transition from college to the real world (or a half-step considering I still have more schooling to go) but in this odd time I'm definitely feeling directionless and just trying to open my eyes, ears, and heart.
Praying for you! God's plans for us are great and I'm praying that He'll reveal them to you when the time is right–and hopefully that's soon! 🙂
p.s. Hearing about your obedience to God is so inspiring to me. Seriously, it is.
Okay, your honesty about this to the Lord is great. Even if you don't feel direction you are seeking out the Lord who is the delight of our soul and heart and being, so you are on the right path. I wish I could say something that would make this better or to make you feel heard and understood but since we are not chilling in my room, sitting on my bed eating smarties and listening to music I don't know how to convince you that i'm empathizing with you 🙁 But I am!!
ps The Lord Himself is our direction. That truth has been really comforting to me lately.