frankly…
it has been some time since i wrote a real frankly friday post.
i suppose i haven’t had much to say, or maybe it was that i didn’t have much to share – because we all know i have something to say. 😉
truthfully…my heart has been heavy lately (isn’t it always).
i’ve been frustrated.
a little beaten down…
…maybe even threw myself a pity party or two.
with days getting longer, the air warming up, and crickets getting louder something begins to echo within the walls of my heart.
spring is all about new beginnings to me.
pruning out the bad, the spoiled, the broken, and giving room for something new to break its way through. i’m often reminded that this process, the new growth/beginnings, is not an easy one.
no – pruning and growing are never easy.
…back to these long summer nights.
i think of baseball games.
i think of blooming gardens.
of our tea farms first flush.
i think of concerts, and movies, and beach trips – i am consumed with daylight and fireflies.
i’m excited.
and then for some reason i crash.
that little voice enters my head…it would be so much more fun if you had someone to spend it with.
shut up voice.
i’m reminded of where i am at in life – single.
yes, it is only a piece, a small piece really, and i know this has nothing to do with defining me – but sometimes it seems like the heaviest piece.
i had a friend recently comment that “i needed to find a good man, get married, and start having cute curly haired babies…” – she meant well and she loves me.
welcome to the battlefield of a broken heart.
i truly believe that regardless of if you’ve been given a broken heart from the ending of a relationship, or if you’re broken hearted over not ever being in a relationship – your heart is still broken.
maybe not shattered – but cracked.
this battlefield – my battlefield of a broken heart really hurts sometimes.
it hurts when i’ve had a great day and i want to share it with someone other than family or my roommate. it hurts when i’ve had a bad day and i really want strong arms wrapped around me. it hurts when i see my lovely, incredible friends walking through their own journey experiencing things that i desire. i wouldn’t say i’m envious, jealous, bitter, or angry over it – just reminded of what i don’t have – so maybe a little frustrated.
i don’t want to sit here and say that 25 is some magical age where you are either #1 married or #2 increasingly aware of your singleness – but it’s something like that, at least where i’m from. i can not count how many times i’ve been asked “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “when are you getting married?” “are your standards too high?” “have you thought about what you might be doing wrong?” or the lovely i am trying to be encouraging – “your day will come” “oh, you’re next i can feel it!” “when you stop looking he will show up.” “it just isn’t God’s time for you yet” “you’re such a catch, someone will see that one day”.
in all seriousness, thank you for saying those things – good or bad – it shows that you care and you want my heart to be happy and paired with another…but please just stop. please.
ladies, i don’t have answers.
i’m sorry – normally i do or i try to.
but for this, for this season in life i have no answers.
i have some lessons learned from walking through this – from dragging my way through it.
some days are easy.
some days i don’t even think/care that i’m not in a relationship.
other days are harder – a little more challenging – more frustrating to move past.
through it all though – i have to keep reminding myself to lean on the Lord.
that my desires should be His.
that my heart should reflect His heart.
that His will is better than my own – and while i may not understand each step, i know that when the race is finished it will make sense.
during this season of singleness i am to seek the Lord.
to be so full of Him that these weak arguments and frustrations (like singleness) come and go like the breeze on a hot summers day. i shouldn’t settle on them for too long – and i shouldn’t weigh my heart, mind, and spirit with things that i can not fully control.
all of this to say…all of these ramblings…to just let you know that if you’re walking through this battlefield, you are not alone.
you are not alone in your days where you’re happily unattached.
you are not alone in your days where you desire marriage.
you are not alone if your heart is overwhelmed or frustrated.
you are definitely not alone if you’re tempted to settle.
if you’re tempted period – because the world makes singleness look completely different than how God designed singleness.
and it’s ok.
we don’t have to have it all figured out every second of the day.
that is why we have this community; to lean on each other, to learn from each other and to help encourage one another when someone is feeling especially frustrated.
i’m so thankful for each one of you; married, single, windowed, happy, sad, joyful, sorrowful.
we learn from one another.
thank you for helping me to learn.
Amy, I just want to start by saying that I absolutely love you and your honest heart. From day one of reading your blog, I knew that you were going to teach me things…and I love that! The fact that every lesson is beautifully written only adds to my thankfulness for your blog. You are amazing.
I identify with some of your feelings so much. I will be 25 in a few months, I'm from an extremely small town where everyone is married with children by age 21, and I am still living life on my own. Although I don't live in that little town anymore, I still feel pressured by family and old friends because not only am I almost 25 and unmarried, but I'm 25 and I have been in a couple of relationships that were serious enough that they could have ended in marriage…and I chose to throw those away.
But it's only because I'm not willing to settle for something I know isn't right just so I can cross a relationship off of my checklist. Like you mentioned…it's really worth the wait, because His timing is perfect. Not everyone understands that, because society (especially here in the south) makes us feel weird when we don't go by a certain life plan.
It's even more difficult when it is something that you want so badly, because I completely agree with you…at the age of 24, I get tired of being alone. I consider myself to be very independent, and I love that, but sometimes I just want to come home to a warm hug from the man who I love more than anything. When feelings like this arise, it becomes really hard to remember that we aren't alone, but it does make it easier knowing that God is behind the scenes, and He knows exactly when things are going to fall into place.
I'm sorry for such a long comment, but this post really touched me. I hope you have a great weekend! 🙂
Amen! Thanks for sharing. Frankly Fridays are always my favorite!
I could say soooo much here… At first I thought I'd just write amen…I'll say more… I wrestle with myself a tiny bit, but my biggest "struggle" is definitely with what I THINK everyone else is thinking. I have to remind myself:
I don't HAVE to answer them.
They CAN think whatever they want, and the truth is, most of them probsbly aren't even thinking what I imagine they are.
And really, even if they do, it doesn't really matter.
Does it make the struggle go away? Nope…It does shift my focus from them and fear and worry to the faith and hope and security that I have in knowing God. I read a thing yesterday (maybe on etsy?!??) "I've learned to kiss the wave that slams me into the Rock of Ages" Do I "want" the waves? Nope…But they come and when they do, they're even good for my soul!
Wow this struggling with singleness will definitely resonate with a lot of your readers I'm sure. I know I struggle and having another 4 years on you lovely I definitely understand how you feel. But it is true and I know that God has this super husband planned for you, it's in this time that he wants you focus on yourself and finding out who you are in God and what you want to achieve and what God is calling you for.
It's super frustrating sometimes when everyone is settling down, getting married, starting families and you're all over there like yeah still single lol But remember you're not alone in it and you are awesome and when the man comes he will have to be pretty amazing to deserve you so never settle cos you're worth so much 🙂
Love your honesty in this post you're totally my favourite!
x
Amy, such a wonderful, honest post. I agree that God is at work and He does have a grand plan for you. We don't know what it is until it happens, and the anticipation can be a killer, I know. But I must stress this…all good things in due time.
You will only have this moment with yourself right now. Soon, there will be a time when you will need to care for others, their needs will be yours, and you will be a team bound together for life. As wonderfully awesome as that is, and as fulfilling it will be, I hope you don't feel the need to rush this current chapter in your life. You are growing and discovering you. It's pretty amazing and irreplaceable. One that you will definitely realize it was one to be cherished. I understand. I was there. You're rocking it and all good things will come 🙂
Happy Friday, girl!
Ann
Love your heart girl. Thank you for always sharing it and being honest!
Well, you had to have known that I would read and re-read this post, right? In all seriousness, though, this was a really good post for me.
I know we literally just chatted, but like we've talked about before, singleness has its waves, its own seasons, and its own ups and downs. And I've actually been feeling it as of late. I haven't written about it on my blog lately because I feel like I'm a broken record sometimes, but there are definitely moments when singleness just sucks. And it's those moments when I all too often let myself compare/contrast, let jealousy fester inside me, and let frustrations become anger. And it hurts. I want so badly to have what so many people don't and it's rare that I can talk with people like you who actually understand me.
That said, our friendship is something I do not and cannot take for granted. Girl, your wisdom, your encouragement, and your support (no matter how you're feeling yourself!) is one of a kind and something I truly admire. So what if you don't have the answers, who does? Only God and His answers are magnificent, even if they don't look or sound like it the first time around.
Hugs, friend! 🙂
Also, this line right here deserves the biggest AMEN possible: "the world makes singleness look completely different than how God designed singleness." 🙂
I am so sorry you're struggling through this, dear girl! I honestly wish NO ONE had to deal with a broken heart!!! I pray that the Lord will bring you healing and bring your husband into your life just as soon as can be!
I love this post!
I can totally relate to the feeling of "singleness sucks sometimes". It's hard and sometimes I just want to cry, and other times like you said: it doesn't bother me.
This is when i remind myself that God always meets us right where we are at, no matter what. he is right there.
Thanks so much for sharing your heart, Amy! I admire your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this post as well as your heart with all of us. Sometimes, people just don't know what to say possibly because they can't relate? I'm not sure. Your attitude towards those who say those things you should never say to a single person is humbling and admirable. You inspire me!
"welcome to the battlefield of a broken heart."
"you are not alone if your heart is overwhelmed or frustrated."
Wow. I've kinda been postponing reading this. Not that I didn't think it would be good. But, I knew it was going to tear at me and just hit me square in the heart. That's exactly what it did. Singleness is really a true battlefield. And there are days where I just want to scream at people… Between my post and this one of yours, they are two peas in a pod. ha!
I wish I could just sit with you over coffee/tea and just spill our guts together. We would probably be there for awhile. 🙂
Love you friend. Thank you for the reminder that we are not alone. I'm not alone. You are not alone.
<3
All the things you said people say to you… i just nodded in remembrance from when i was 25. And 22. And 23, and so on, all the way until i got married. It was insane. And sometimes very painful. I mean, things like "you're next, i just know it!" are silly – how can they possibly know that? People said that to me all the time when i was single & they say that to me now about having a baby… um… how do you know that? You can't possibly know that. And i know they're trying to be encouraging but it just kind of sucks!
My least fave one was when someone would say, "So when are YOU getting married?" I always felt like a stupid question deserved a stupid question. These weren't strangers on the street, these were church people, that knew i was completely single! I wanted to say "i don't know. ask God."
I am sure you know this but just to encourage you – the next person that says "are you sure your standards aren't too high?" needs to be punched in the face!! I didn't marry until 30 but you know what? I have a happier marriage than most people i know! I'm not saying that to be braggy but seriously – i waited for the right one. I hated the waiting sometimes but i still waited for God's best for me. IT WAS WORTH IT! I don't get why we have such high standards for cars & houses & all these material things… but not the person that we are going to spend the rest of our life with!
The comments happen now about babies which is incredibly incredibly painful, more than they'll ever know. It's so personal, so private, and they are clueless of the pain i am in. It boggles my mind people are so comfortable asking such personal questions & it doesn't cross their mind that they're being hurtful.
I am rambling. Ignore me. 🙂 I love you!