Well, it’s technically day three and I forgot to hit publish yesterday. *hand to forehead*. SO I’m a day behind…but honestly, that’s okay and I’m not going to beat myself up about it. Yesterday was a great day, a full day, and by the time I got home I just wasn’t thinking of sitting down to write a blog post. I spent the day at the Scottish Highland Games walking around and soaking it all in, running by Hobby Lobby, coming home to get some cleaning in, and then heading to a friends house for dinner. It was everything and more that I needed; now on to post #2 in this November series!
Q | What don’t you share?
I had to stop and think on this for a few minutes to move forward with writing this post. I’ve found that I actually don’t share a lot in this space anymore and I’ve had to step back and think about the why behind it. I think it’s a culmination of a lot of things: our world isn’t that safe anymore, privacy is a thing of the past, security threats with being a military spouse (it’s a real thing), I’m also married now (than all the years before while blogging) so it’s not always my place to share all the things, writers block, fear of being judged, etc. The list truly could go on for a few more pages.
I don’t share all the ins and outs of our marriage.
I will share bits and pieces of the good and the bad (because there is definitely both). I’ll touch on things I’m learning, things I love, places I’m struggling…but I’ve taken a step back on it because we’ve been apart for a long season of time. With deployments and extensions this season of marriage has been tough. We are apart, a lot. That presents it’s own challenges with safety fears, with fear of judgement, or that simple people just won’t understand why we are not together. Most of the time if I mention I’m a military spouse that closes the door because people understand. Other times it opens the door for people to ask “but why aren’t y’all together” or “wow, I could NEVER do that” or then you can get that condescending tone of how they could never be apart from their husband and it sometimes feels like you’re marriage must not be good because you and your husband can make the distance work. Marriage is a tough one to share because it isn’t perfect. Military marriage, in my opinion, opens a whole other can of worms when it comes to emotional/physical intimacy, relational growth, spiritual foundation work, date nights, etc. So, as of right now I’ll share when I feel prompted but it’s a mess to write out.
I don’t share how hurt I am by people.
The last few years I’ve gone through a major upheaval of life. With getting married, moving A TON including cross country twice, and learning more about who I am…I’ve lost friendships. I saw things crumble and a lot of ugliness came from it. I have been hurt, questioned, judged, and made to feel like I either was a bad person or I just couldn’t seem to wrap my head around what was happening. This isn’t to say it’s been all bad. I’ve had incredible friendships ride through and strengthen, I’ve made new friendships, and I’ve learned that sometimes, most of the time, there is a season for everything and instead of becoming bitter of the goodbye, be thankful for the good times and the lessons learned.
I don’t share the ugliness inside my mind.
Well, I’ve shared it sometimes. I am truly my own worst bully. I speak pretty ugly to myself: you’re ugly, you’re too fat, you’re stupid, you’re not doing anything of value, you should be doing more of xyz, you’re not a good friend, wife, sister, cousin, niece, you should love God more, you should _____. Seriously, it’s sometimes a hideous broken record that if I knew a friend was speaking to herself that way I would be broken for her.
What are you finding that you’re not really sharing anymore in the blog world…or even outside of the blog world?
I just want to encourage you to, if you don’t already have this, find that tribe of people you can be real, honest, and raw with. Share the good and the bad and walk through life together – it’s needed now more than ever.
