This post is back from when we were adventuring around Sequoia National Park…so excuse the time loop. 😉
I’m a goer and Eddie is a soaker.
I was up making breakfast and enjoying snapping some pictures while quiet clung to the air.
The rain was coming soon that day so I knew that we needed to get a move on. Eddie however was still enjoying relaxing in the warmth of the bed; I finally decided to crawl back in to cuddle with him.
Honestly, I gave the cuddling a whole minute and patted his arm and said we’ve got to get going. He squeezed me tighter in response.
A heavy sigh escaped my chest and I sank deeper into the sheets as I allowed myself to relax; I had to remind myself that this is also why we are here – to enjoy quiet slow mornings in the mountains with one another.
You may be asking, why is Amy even sharing this random 3 minute part of her life with us, and I feel the need to explain.
I struggle, hard, with letting go.
Control runs deep in my bones and I thrive with order, and to-do lists, and schedules, and deadlines. I actually feel like Monica off of Friends when it’s time to clean, prepare for guests, schedule a trip, etc. I find some weird joy in seeing all the things accomplished and in their right place.
I find the struggle even most when I feel like I “should be” doing something. We were on vacation and we wanted to hike in the park and see all the things and laying in bed cuddling just wasn’t going to accomplish that list. I was under this mind-set of if we don’t get moving everything will be lost!
That’s kind of the story of my life.
I find myself wallowing in these fears, these worries, these thought traps of…
If I don’t get moving, I’ll loose everything.
If I don’t accomplish this then what good am I?
If I don’t make this happen then everything won’t workout.
It’s a whole lot of “I” and that isn’t how a marriage works.
In those three minutes of me choosing to crawl back into the bed to cuddle, my flesh taking over and trying to force the hand of control, and Eddie re-grounding me to relax – I was reminded of the fact that we are a pair, a team. We do life together, we grow and learn from, challenge, and encourage each other. We help to see the good in our character as well as the areas that still need refinement. I help to spur him forward and he helps to slow me down.
It’s just another reminder of how God intrinsically wove our stories together to balance each other out – to cause me to stop, pause, and soak more.
I’ve been having a lot of those reminders recently. Those years of pain, and sorrow, and struggle waiting for a husband and feeling like it would NEVER COME and now I’m paired with someone I could have never imagined. Someone who is everything and abundantly more than I even knew I needed. I used to hate the phrase “God’s timing is perfect” and yet here I am kind of lowering my head and reminding you of that statement’s truth. God’s timing really is perfect. It can feel like it takes forever, or like you’re being punished, or even as if it’s all wrongly timed…but it’s perfect.