frankly…
fear is a scary thing, obviously.
it can be all consuming…or just slightly present.
it can last for a moment, or for a season.
we give fear power.
we shouldn’t, but we do.
i’ve been having a lot of inner dialogue with myself lately…conversations that i either start or sluff off. sometimes i’m an over-processor…and other times i’m too afraid of the conclusion i might come to so i avoid. it’s a rather healthy dynamic 😉
i have moments where i feel like i know what i want out of life, what i desire, what steps i should be taking to get there; and the steps start happening and i get scared.
i stop.
i lag.
i self-sabotage.
fear starts taking over, thoughts become jumbled, and i wonder if i’m doing the right thing. i wonder if i’m taking the right path, especially when it is unfamiliar to me.
i act tough.
like i have it all figured out…like i know what to expect.
i’m not tough.
not always at least – i’m nervous and unsure and afraid of making the wrong choice.
because i’ve made so many wrong choices in the past.
as i’m wrestling through these thoughts/emotions (so many feels!)
i have to still my spirit and remember all that God has told me.
“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control…” 2 Timothy 1:7
“…there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. we love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4: 18-19
did you catch that?
perfect love casts out fear.
God’s love; His grace, mercy, and understanding drives out fear.
sometimes that is hard for me to grasp – as someone who struggles with anxiety, fear can be a companion, a friend, a crutch that i turn to because it is familiar, known, even tangible.
but it destroys my spirit.
it poisons me.
it is crippling.
i hate it.
yet i’m scared of letting go of fear.
of anxiety.
what lays on the other side?
as incredibly ludicrous as that sounds – i know what fear is like, i don’t know what happens when i let the fear go and begin to fully trust.
in the past, when i’ve stepped out…i’ve been burned, harshly.
so i stand back, attempt to control, and live a life having a small understanding of what i should expect…but saying no to that; stepping out of the known…not using fear as a crutch…what awaits?
what awaits for me? for you?
what happens when we leave fear behind and step into the unknown?
will we get hurt? maybe…at some point probably….but it could be worth it right?
it is worth it?
i want to think so, i hope so.
i’m trying to wrap my head around it.
obviously – i’m still wrestling through fear.
deep down i know it is worth it.
it is worth it.
worth it.
i am worth it.
God is beyond worth it.
looking to dig a little deeper? check out some past frankly friday posts here.
"Love; it will not betray you,
dismay or enslave you, it will set you free."
Fear is the worst, friend. It is a bully and we cannot let it win. Life is scary and confusing, and being the planner that I am, I can let fear an anxiety overwhelm me at times. I want things to go smoothly and how I have them planned out in my head. Rarely does this actually happen. I have just had to learn that Jesus is in control always. If God is on my side, then who or what can be against me? Nothing. We are children of the one who conquered all things. You are a conqueror through Christ. Remember that 🙂
Thank you so much for posting this. Such truth! Over the last few months, I really struggled with fear of the unknown. Fully trusting in the Lord isn't always easy, but once we gain that full trust it is such a relief. No more worrying, and just knowing that God WILL provide. He always does. Just as he did with the Isrealites over and over and over. I love you, girl!
No matter how many times you've been burned, it IS worth it! I'm proud of you for taking that step and recognizing the hold fear has on you. That in itself is great progress. Love you <3
This is deep.
So true, and raw and … accurate.
Interesting in the beginning, you say it can be all consuming or just slightly present. Personally, I feel that fear is both… slightly present, always, and in turn, all consuming. Fear is the worst thing, it changes your path so much. I'm constantly afraid of something, success, failure, disaster, accident, illness… there is never nothing i am afraid of. i wonder how someone can be truly fearless. i feel that as long as you have something… and you always have something… you can never be afraid to not lose it, whether it's love, or life, or dignity, or pride, or success, or even tangible things, family, etc.
interesting post. good food for thought.
and beautifully written, of course <3
-amber
http://wheretheresdesign.com
are we twins? cause sometimes when i read your posts it certainly feels like it!
i can't tell you how many times i have struggled with fear in my life…but it's a lot. and some things i fear are SO crazy! and it's a battle to trust, especially if you've been burned in the past. but what i've learned is that i just have to let go of the past. i can't let it hold me prisoner and hold me back. i can't let fear cripple me. i want to live life to the fullest and fear doesn't allow for that.
but it is still a struggle. i have to remind myself that God's got this. and even if my worst fears are realized, if i did it for Him and His glory – then it shouldn't matter.
and the times that i have laid my fears aside and gone for it… well they've been the best times of my life – the wildest ride so far! 🙂
Fear really does hinder us from living our lives to the fullest. I battle with fear sometimes as well and I love going to the scripture you used -1 John 14:18. Because of God's love I can be free from fear.
"i know what fear is like, i don't know what happens when i let the fear go and begin to fully trust."
THAT, my friend, is exactly as I feel more often than not. I feel like as bad as it sounds, fear is comfortable and it's easy to hide behind. To be honest, trusting in God in ALL facets of my life ALL the time is hard and challenging. And even when I do, His plans don't always line up with mine.
So many great thoughts, my friend. So very many great thoughts.
Oh, this hits home! I can totally relate to self-sabotage thanks to fear.
Beautiful words once again!