fear is a scary thing, obviously.
it can be all consuming…or just slightly present.
it can last for a moment, or for a season.
we give fear power.
we shouldn’t, but we do.
i’ve been having a lot of inner dialogue with myself lately…conversations that i either start or sluff off. sometimes i’m an over-processor…and other times i’m too afraid of the conclusion i might come to so i avoid. it’s a rather healthy dynamic 😉
i have moments where i feel like i know what i want out of life, what i desire, what steps i should be taking to get there; and the steps start happening and i get scared.
fear starts taking over, thoughts become jumbled, and i wonder if i’m doing the right thing. i wonder if i’m taking the right path, especially when it is unfamiliar to me.
i act tough.
like i have it all figured out…like i know what to expect.
i’m not tough.
not always at least – i’m nervous and unsure and afraid of making the wrong choice.
because i’ve made so many wrong choices in the past.
as i’m wrestling through these thoughts/emotions (so many feels!)
i have to still my spirit and remember all that God has told me.
“…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control…” 2 Timothy 1:7
“…there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. we love because He first loved us.” 1 John 4: 18-19
did you catch that?
perfect love casts out fear.
God’s love; His grace, mercy, and understanding drives out fear.
sometimes that is hard for me to grasp – as someone who struggles with anxiety, fear can be a companion, a friend, a crutch that i turn to because it is familiar, known, even tangible.
but it destroys my spirit.
it poisons me.
it is crippling.
i hate it.
yet i’m scared of letting go of fear.
what lays on the other side?
as incredibly ludicrous as that sounds – i know what fear is like, i don’t know what happens when i let the fear go and begin to fully trust.
in the past, when i’ve stepped out…i’ve been burned, harshly.
so i stand back, attempt to control, and live a life having a small understanding of what i should expect…but saying no to that; stepping out of the known…not using fear as a crutch…what awaits?
what awaits for me? for you?
what happens when we leave fear behind and step into the unknown?
will we get hurt? maybe…at some point probably….but it could be worth it right?
it is worth it?
i want to think so, i hope so.
i’m trying to wrap my head around it.
obviously – i’m still wrestling through fear.
deep down i know it is worth it.
it is worth it.
i am worth it.
God is beyond worth it.
looking to dig a little deeper? check out some past frankly friday posts here.