frankly friday…

frankly…

i had a moment of…awe this week – of reflection and actually true humility.
i was emailing back and forth with kiki and she asked me what i was passionate about (after reading my post). It was a great question – one i was so willing to throw out into the world – so willing to hear and receive answers from. but when asked – Amy, what are you passionate about? – it took me a lot longer than a few minutes to reply. why? because satan has stolen some of my passion. diminished it – locked it away – made me feel worthless.
i guess that is what it boils down to – feeling worthless.
feeling not good enough.

ladies…i’m sure you can relate with me on this.
we as women are hunted by satan (as are men). he sees our beauty – our reflection of God and hates us. he wants to rip us to pieces and belittle us and make us feel unworthy of love, beauty, or a mission in life. i think that is one of the worst things a human can feel – pointless, useless, missionless.
if you don’t believe me – look at how many people take their own lives. because the pain gets too much, their life isn’t how they thought it would turn out, stress becomes overwhelming – they loose a sense of mission and worth.

satan loves this.
he loves it when i look in the mirror and absolutely tear myself apart.
he loves it when i sit at home on a week night and wonder what my life will be like in 5 years and i keep coming up empty handed and sad.
he loves it when i don’t get in the word – because it creates a space for him to squeeze into my heart.
satan loves to whisper lies into my ear so often that i believe them.
he rejoices when i believe the lies.

kiki mentioned that she was passionate about “being yourself and loving yourself. Something I’m personally working on myself and would love to see more people (especially women) take on, too!“.
y’all that hit close to home.
i guess since i let the cat out of the bag on instagram i can do it here.
i am supposed to have a date this weekend – and i’m terrified.
ok terrified is dramatic – i’m nervous as all get out.

satan has been whispering these lies of “you’re not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, appealing enough, smart enough, interesting enough….” to the point that i’m just like ENOUGH I GET IT!
i’ve bought into some of those lies – and its so stupid.

i think that no man would be interested in me because of my list of flaws.
what garbage.
seriously – what stupid, filthy, full of lies GARBAGE.
i would say the same thing to any other lovely woman in my position.

You’re beautiful, you are intelligent, you have worth and value beyond compare, you are needed AND wanted, you’re radiant…the list goes on.
if only we could believe our pep talks.
i’m working on it though – believing the truth that is within me – the truth God wants me to know – accepting His love and comfort.
after so many years of accepting satan’s lies – and being fed insecurity from the world and relationships it gets hard to beat down the insecurity monster and allow true confidence to shine through.

it brings up a memory from a conversation with a close friend a year or so ago.
i dont remember the context of the conversation or how we got to this point, but at one moment she said, “Amy, you’re intimidating – but not in the bad way. you walk into a room and exude confidence. you present yourself as full of love and acceptance, and that you love yourself – it surprises me to hear that you don’t feel confident – because you certainly come across as confident”
it took me aback.
i remember telling her how i felt unconfident.
so for her to respond that way – floored me.
confidence is beautiful.
men say so – women say so – i think so.
having confidence in yourself, in who God is, in what you’re doing – it really comes across as put together and lovely. (again difference between confidence and cockiness)

so all of the jumbled thoughts and emotions and – uh – random words put together to say this:

if you had a post this week that was rather frank, link up below: