that was a bust.
i mean – wow – how do I really put this into words.
it wasn’t horrible – but it wasn’t meh not too bad either.
it just goes to show that even if you think you might be compatible via phone/text/Skype/facetime. face to face – might just fail…like the sky burning and falling quickly to the earth.
I won’t recap the whole date – because honestly there isn’t MUCH to recap.
truthfully uh he was a super nice guy, very attractive, loved Jesus, and paid for my meal.
I don’t want to talk bad about the guy, because there isn’t much “bad” to discuss. it was just incredibly awkward. did you read that? incredibly awkward.
listen, I pride myself on being able to hold a conversation with an individual. in fact I can hold a conversation with a wall. so the amount of silence and dragging my nails down a chalkboard to get a full sentence out of his mouth was really challenging.
maybe he was just super closed off and shut down, and that’s ok, just not for a date.
needless to say i’m glad I gave him a “way out”.
let me explain.
the night before I told him, “listen i’m honest – 100% and I don’t believe in wasting your time or mine. if we start hanging out and it just isn’t clicking, let me know, I won’t be offended and we can end the date”.
yeah – I said that. maybe it was a small feeling that I thought it wouldn’t work out? I don’t know.
we met at barnes and noble.
I gave him a hug…asked how his drive was. we got into my car – drove downtown parked…more awkward silence, waked to a pizza joint and sat down…uh que me wanting to pull my hair out because it was really REALLY challenging to hold a conversation with him (granted we had talked on the phone AND facetimed a lot – and had conversations so I was really confused here). Once we started eating he kind of blurted out “yeah I don’t see this really going anywhere”…uh ok i’m no longer hungry – and way to fail at putting it gently.
so that was that and I just decided to make the best out of the rest of the meal before heading back to his car so he could book it out of there.
then we happened to stumble into this really awesome conversation.
and I do mean really awesome. just how God was challenging us – and what we were struggling with and I shared some really personal things with him, and he shared with me.
and then he was all “well, after that conversation I feel a little bit better, maybe we can go for a walk or something”
UH….WHAT?! you just told me you basically weren’t feeling it and now you want to go for a walk and hang out with me more? I was more than a little confused.
so I went to the bathroom and called my roommate and friend (who happened to be tailing me the entire time downtown, we even had an app so they could track me hahahahah). I told them what he had said – both times – and they wanted to come into the restaurant and give him a whats for.
we ended up going for a walk, looking at an art gallery, going down to the waterfront and I could tell, he had already closed himself off to whatever experience this COULD have been again. whatever – i’m not going to force you to have a good time. so I just called a spade a spade and we started walking back to the car. at one point I said “remember how we talked about potential awkward silences?” and he said “remind me” and I responded “we’re in one – right now – probably the most mega awkward silence ever”. and I laughed – you know trying to LIGHTEN THIS HEAVY MOOD and he just looked at me.
match made in hell.
on the way back to his car I just felt like God was pressing on my heart to encourage him – so I shared with him what I had told my roommate the other day. “I think you’re going to make a really good spiritual leader to whomever you end up marrying – just in the short amount of time I’ve gotten to know you, you’ve encouraged me to grow closer with the Lord.” and I meant every single word. he really had encouraged me to get closer with God, asking me what I was learning and if I had gotten in the Word, etc.
I went home. changed out of my NEW outfit. put on sweats, called my aunt, cried a little (I am a girl), hugged my cat and waited for my maria & christina to get to the house. I told them everything…conversations and the like – they weren’t overly thrilled with how he handled everything – but I told them that he really IS a nice guy, just really…uh…pulled in a lot of different directions.
I got upset because – it felt like before the actually date this could be a really interesting friendship/relationship/whatever and it was like we met and he closed himself off – not even allowing an experience to happen. and it made me question myself and my looks and my personality (you know typical girl behavior). was I sad? a little – I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. and if i’m being an honest girl about it – I was enjoying him pursuing me, and challenging me, and having someone of the opposite sex to talk to haha.
needless to say I’ve snapped out of my ‘blahness’ and am just
enjoying tolerating singleness again. 😉
in all seriousness, i’m really thankful I was able to get to know the guy and have this experience. I learned some really interesting things, and walked away with something.