that was a bust.
i mean – wow – how do I really put this into words.
it wasn’t horrible – but it wasn’t meh not too bad either.
it just goes to show that even if you think you might be compatible via phone/text/Skype/facetime. face to face – might just fail…like the sky burning and falling quickly to the earth.
I won’t recap the whole date – because honestly there isn’t MUCH to recap.
truthfully uh he was a super nice guy, very attractive, loved Jesus, and paid for my meal.
I don’t want to talk bad about the guy, because there isn’t much “bad” to discuss. it was just incredibly awkward. did you read that? incredibly awkward.
listen, I pride myself on being able to hold a conversation with an individual. in fact I can hold a conversation with a wall. so the amount of silence and dragging my nails down a chalkboard to get a full sentence out of his mouth was really challenging.
maybe he was just super closed off and shut down, and that’s ok, just not for a date.
needless to say i’m glad I gave him a “way out”.
let me explain.
the night before I told him, “listen i’m honest – 100% and I don’t believe in wasting your time or mine. if we start hanging out and it just isn’t clicking, let me know, I won’t be offended and we can end the date”.
yeah – I said that. maybe it was a small feeling that I thought it wouldn’t work out? I don’t know.
we met at barnes and noble.
I gave him a hug…asked how his drive was. we got into my car – drove downtown parked…more awkward silence, waked to a pizza joint and sat down…uh que me wanting to pull my hair out because it was really REALLY challenging to hold a conversation with him (granted we had talked on the phone AND facetimed a lot – and had conversations so I was really confused here). Once we started eating he kind of blurted out “yeah I don’t see this really going anywhere”…uh ok i’m no longer hungry – and way to fail at putting it gently.
so that was that and I just decided to make the best out of the rest of the meal before heading back to his car so he could book it out of there.
then we happened to stumble into this really awesome conversation.
and I do mean really awesome. just how God was challenging us – and what we were struggling with and I shared some really personal things with him, and he shared with me.
and then he was all “well, after that conversation I feel a little bit better, maybe we can go for a walk or something”
UH….WHAT?! you just told me you basically weren’t feeling it and now you want to go for a walk and hang out with me more? I was more than a little confused.
so I went to the bathroom and called my roommate and friend (who happened to be tailing me the entire time downtown, we even had an app so they could track me hahahahah). I told them what he had said – both times – and they wanted to come into the restaurant and give him a whats for.
we ended up going for a walk, looking at an art gallery, going down to the waterfront and I could tell, he had already closed himself off to whatever experience this COULD have been again. whatever – i’m not going to force you to have a good time. so I just called a spade a spade and we started walking back to the car. at one point I said “remember how we talked about potential awkward silences?” and he said “remind me” and I responded “we’re in one – right now – probably the most mega awkward silence ever”. and I laughed – you know trying to LIGHTEN THIS HEAVY MOOD and he just looked at me.
match made in hell.
on the way back to his car I just felt like God was pressing on my heart to encourage him – so I shared with him what I had told my roommate the other day. “I think you’re going to make a really good spiritual leader to whomever you end up marrying – just in the short amount of time I’ve gotten to know you, you’ve encouraged me to grow closer with the Lord.” and I meant every single word. he really had encouraged me to get closer with God, asking me what I was learning and if I had gotten in the Word, etc.
I went home. changed out of my NEW outfit. put on sweats, called my aunt, cried a little (I am a girl), hugged my cat and waited for my maria & christina to get to the house. I told them everything…conversations and the like – they weren’t overly thrilled with how he handled everything – but I told them that he really IS a nice guy, just really…uh…pulled in a lot of different directions.
I got upset because – it felt like before the actually date this could be a really interesting friendship/relationship/whatever and it was like we met and he closed himself off – not even allowing an experience to happen. and it made me question myself and my looks and my personality (you know typical girl behavior). was I sad? a little – I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. and if i’m being an honest girl about it – I was enjoying him pursuing me, and challenging me, and having someone of the opposite sex to talk to haha.
needless to say I’ve snapped out of my ‘blahness’ and am just
enjoying tolerating singleness again. 😉
in all seriousness, i’m really thankful I was able to get to know the guy and have this experience. I learned some really interesting things, and walked away with something.
17 comments on “the date.”
That's so hard…putting yourself out there like that. Opening yourself up is a necessity to really, truly getting to know someone, but at the same time it's opening yourself up to so much hurt.
I'm sorry! Hang in there God has someone who will be a perfect balance to you. Someone who can carry on a conversation and not be bluntly rude. haha
oh girl, i just love you. first, let me just say that both of those pictures are spot on. i laughed out loud. dating is weird. AMEN.
i'm really proud of you for putting yourself out there and trying to make the most of the situation. gosh….SO AWKWARD. seriously, proud of you. i'm sorry it didn't work out and that it was a disappointing experience for the most part, but better dates are yet to come. i promise.
Awww boo. I was rootin for ya. 🙁 Makes me wonder… since you had several GOOD conversations already which means you guys CAN converse just fine… makes me wonder what else he had going on that day that he wasn't sharing.
Sorry it didn't work out Amy. You are wonderful and deserving of an amazing guy. 🙂
I'm sorry the date didn't go as you had hoped 🙁 I know God has the perfect guy and timeline planned out for you. Sometimes I guess we just have to go through a few frogs to get to the prince!
Amy, I am so sorry! I don't even know WHAT I would have done…Maybe gone to a pet store to see which cat had his tongue?!?!
Love that you had backup and people to go home to afterwards. You're awesome and your report of the whole thing just shows that!
"The most mega awkward silence ever." ha That sounds like something I would say…
Sorry it didn't turn out well, but hey you got a meal and lessons learned. It never makes sense to me how you can talk and get to know someone, but then in person, something just happens and they are completely different. I will never understand that.
Oh and that picture at the bottom of your post? So. So. Good! haha
Here's to future (and better/more fun) dates! 🙂
Arrrghhh I hate awkward dates!He sounds like a strange guy – not in a horrible way maybe he was nervous or just wasn't feeling things. But what I don't understand is how he can be like I'm not feeling it, but oh no actually I am, no I'm not! Way to confuse there mate!
It's not you it's definitely him. You are awesome, beautiful, caring woman of God and some man out there is going to be so lucky to find you. x
Aww Amy! Such a bummer of a story, so sorry it didn't turn out the way you'd hoped. Hang in there, and be encouraged! It sounds like you certainly have the right attitude here =)
Wow, that date sounds like it was crazy! What weird situations with that guy. Good for you for being up front and honest with him. You'll know it when you're with the right guy and OBVIOUSLY this wasn't him!
Oh, awkward moments. I hate those. But can I just say that you handled this date with so much grace and honesty? Seriously, I do not think I could have handled the awkwardness as well as you did.
And I also love how you didn't force it. I feel like dates and relationships these days are becoming fast-tracked or something. But I'm also no relationship expert, so I have no idea what I'm saying anymore. 🙂 Anyway, I'm glad you didn't force anything and that you know that you'll know when the time is right.
Love you, friend! 🙂
Oh my goodness, Amy, i do remember those days! One guy i got to know via email/instant messaging (no facetime then!) & i was almost convinced he was the one. Haha. You are so right about how it can be SO different in person! In person, he was awkward & weird & i wasn't into him at ALL. (He was also too desperate. Which is just weird!)
I am so sorry. It is so hard to do that, to be yourself & open up to a guy on a first date. He did NOT act right. Guys are so strange! Haha. I mean, what was his deal? Especially when you said that about being in an awkward silence, to lighten the mood! And he just looked at you? Wow.
I don't understand why he closed himself off right away, and I'm sorry! 🙁 You are beautiful & talented & funny, and i have no doubt you'll end up with a wonderful husband someday. It's just the wait that sucks. 🙁
Hang in there. xoxo
Way to be the bigger person! I would not have handled the situation as well as you, that's for sure. I know it's hard not to "be a girl" and question yourself… but let me be the one (not the first I'm sure) to tell you… it's not YOU it's HIM. 🙂 And despite what you said, I think you did get a good story out of it. 🙂
Oh the awkward silence, killer of many a good date. Girl, it just doesn't sound like he was into it. I'm really proud of you for sticking it out and having the wisdom to see it wasn't working! Come to PEI. We have lots of good conversationalists. And we have the ocean. And me. 😉
I'm sorry to hear that but I love your outlook on it. This is just one; there will be so many others to come along. God's timing is always perfect. 🙂
Boo on him for being so closed off! His loss.
I hated when that happened when I was dating. You can have the BEST phone conversations with someone, but once it became a face to face conversation, it ALL changed for whatever reason.
I'm sorry girl, but at least you were keepin' it real with him AND you even encouraged him!! If that were me, I would've let me Bon Qui Qui out on him! 😉
please tell me you know who Bon Qui Qui is..
Yikes! This is like something out of a movie where the audience watching knows that the closed-off-character is struggling with an internal dilemma (either he is too overwhelmed by the beauty of his date or he is still dealing with leftover feelings from a previous relationship or whatever), but his date doesn't know. So the whole date is awkward and also kind of hilarious to watch from an outsider's view point. Just because it's THAT awkward. Long silences are the worst. So sorry about that. I'm not sure what his deal was or why he got so closed off like that, but remember that you're a catch. He was lucky you gave him the chance to take you out to dinner. 🙂