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writing | and you

4 Comments on writing | and you
,
June 12, 2014February 16, 2017

i’ve pulled from the archives of an old journal for today’s post.
sometimes i think it is healthy to look back, to see where you were, what you were feeling, how you were processing, and then to tie it into your current standing.

looking at this, this moment in time where i penned my heart out, i was really, really broken. a variety of things led up to this dream and the dawn that swiftly approached afterwards. i found myself drowning in feelings…and not knowing how to process them.

thankfully i no longer feel this way. i am solid in my thoughts towards this individual and have moved on. broken hearts will leave pieces behind though, so i’m sure – over time – a little chip will nick me here and there. but it won’t ever be the same, the winds have changed, the currents have moved, and my ship has sailed elsewhere.

moments like these, personal – in depth moments – i worry about posting. maybe worry is a strong word, i feel vulnerable posting them. sharing a piece of your soul with the world, no matter how small your corner is, can be challenging.
but i truly believe that every experience we walk through gives us a way to connect with others. maybe my broken heart from this still morning will connect with others.

like me slightly // by max milner


>>>><<<<

 written: over a year ago.
and you.
Cup of coffee in hand.
Feet curled beneath me.
Hair falling in a mess past my shoulders.
Listening to Max Milner sing Like Me Slightly.
It’s here…in this moment…i recall my dream about you.
The last minutes threaded together with illusion and reality.
The steady rhythm of my heart and breathe pulling themselves out of slumber.
and you.
The weight of your arm banded around my waist.
The flecks of yellow in your eyes.
The unknown twist of events that led you to walk through my door.
If i close my eyes and calm my mind i can remember details…details that make this feel more real than a true memory.
I was leaning with my back against the arm of the couch, knees pulled up to my chest, hair falling to one shoulder and your hand rested on the top of my socked foot rubbing small circles with your thumb.
There was a moment of questioning…of how we got to this point.
I told you i’ve been on dates…you asked if i was serious with anyone.
no, i replied.
You smiled.
Your eyes wrinkling at the corners.
Your hand stilled for a moment.
We were surrounded by people, friends, un-known faces, suddenly in a coffee shop.
I ordered a salted caramel hot chocolate.
You wiped the foam from my bottom lip.
We filled each other on time passed.
The silence never came.
I knew this wasn’t real.
Reality never fell into place like this.
You know that moment, when you know you’re dreaming, yet you force yourself to keep sleeping to see what happens…i was there, and i wanted to know what would unfold.
I can still feel the trail of your fingertips playing with my hair at the nape of my neck.
The moment before a kiss.
The laughter from feeling fear…and uncertainty.
and you.
You had changed.
You were a little more cold, – calculating.
Weighing your options.
I hardly recognized you in there.
But i knew, deep down, a part of you would stay the same forever.
Caring. Compassionate. Strong-willed. Patient.
Our eyes met, you laughed…i laughed…
…
…
and it was over.
Sunlight creeping through my window in tiny rays.
Clearing my throat from hours of silence.
Hand reaching over to cease the alarm.
and you.
Still lingering in my mind.
Like cobwebs…delicate and frustrating.
Never fully leaving; yet easily erased.
If i was honest with myself and you.
i don’t think of you.
rarely.
ever.
because i’m past that part of my life, and more than happily moving on.
But i guess somewhere in my subconscious i think of you.
wish you well.
laugh at memories.
Hopefully this is the last time though.
The last time to see you in my dreams…because it throws me off.
Especially when it’s more than a passing hello.
When it stirs into a place i’ve moved passed.
and you.
Cobwebs.
Delicate & frustrating.
Never fully leaving; yet easily erased.
>>>><<<<
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4 comments on “writing | and you”

  1. Jenna Griffin says:
    June 13, 2014 at 2:33 am

    Beautiful.
    I listened to the song while I read through your journal and I'm touched. I feel closer to you in a way. As I read this, it reminded me of a similar journal I wrote a few years back. It's amazing how God brings us through seasons and then on to the next.

    Reply
  2. Eatlovemerry says:
    June 13, 2014 at 12:19 pm

    This so beautiful! X

    Reply
  3. Jess says:
    June 14, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    One day, you and I will sit on a couch together (or in a coffee shop) and just hang and talk about life. What an entry to be able to look back on and see where God has brought you from, to where you are now. Another way to show us that seasons really are just for a moment!

    Reply
  4. The Lady Okie says:
    June 14, 2014 at 11:31 pm

    This is what your journal writing sounds like? Wow. That's beautiful. I try to write like this sometimes, but then it just sounds dump and I give up.

    Reply

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I'm Amy and I am so blissed out that you are here. To sum up A Loved Life in three words it would simply be: home, health, and adventure. So if you enjoy laughter, hope, adventures, and pursuing life to the fullest - this place is for you. Please feel free to read along as I share all about this crazy thing called life.

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