I recently started a new devotional, I was feeling incredibly stagnant and I just needed something to help breath some fresh air into my lungs and light a spark within my heart. Have you ever been there? Just needing something to bring out the passion for the Lord again?
I got my hands on Jesus Always by Sarah Young and have been slowly working through it and feeling my heart unwind from being so completely bound. I was reading through the devotional for today and began to journal out my thoughts when this tug on my heart started whispering for me to post it. I was going to come up with something else for today – possibly another travel post or a wedding related post, but I felt like this was something i should really share.
So here is a look into my journal – a small little piece of where I truly am in this journey and what all my heart is feeling. I love personal posts…the vulnerability attached to them; so heres to embracing the vulnerability.
I have been in a comfortable season of life. I know myself, i know my singleness and my daily schedule. I know how I fill my time and how I waste it. I know my friendships and the places I enjoy going. I know Charleston – my hometown, the beaches and the drive to Edisto.
This has been my pattern – my worn path.
Taking the first small step off the path was scary. Quitting my job and really focusing on what was coming next was terrifying; but I can still see the worn path next to me. It’s as if i’m walking one foot in and one foot out. In just 17 days I will be jumping into a completely unknown abyss.
The not knowing, not being in control, is scary for a heart like mine.
These are the seasons in life where I know my faith is either grown or stunted. I want it to be a season of growth. I want to trust the Lord with my fear and my controlling desires. I want to find home in Him when I have no idea what the future will hold. I want to find comfort when my fears start to add up. What if I don’t make new friends? Or my home friends no longer invest because of distance? Or we don’t find a church? Or I get down because I miss my family? So many fears roaming in my heart looking to devour my joy.
I don’t want that.
Not in the slightest.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1
I’m about to close one season and start a new one.
As scary as it is – I am also so incredibly excited.
New adventures, new stories, new experiences all with Eddie.
Even when this fear starts to settle in and I realize how much I am not in control of what happens next – there still has to be a recognition of the joy that is being intertwined.
So here I am, laying it all before you in hopes that getting it out will not allow it to continue in it’s festering.
Please continue to remind me to find solace in You. You are my place of comfort and direction.
When I focus too much on the fear of the unknown remind me of the joy and love and the trued adventure Eddie brings to my life. Help me to hold fast to Your promises and to take a deep breath and let go of the things I can’t control.
Help me to be free.