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A Loved Life

Home, Health, & Adventure

THOUGHTS

Tenderness is Strength

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November 10, 2020November 13, 2020

You have been strong for so long . . . you are allowed to be tender too.

Morgan Harper Nichols

I recently shared this quote from MHN on my instagram stories and shared the following thoughts:

This is a truth I had to work really hard for through many years of counseling. One of the biggest compliments as well as the hardest phrases I hear is how strong I am for the losses I have endured in my life.
Strength is beautiful, it is also an emotional prison where you feel as if you can never show weakness.

I felt the need to write a little more and keeping it real (as always) I’ve kind of got a lump in my throat and that little nose burn going on while thinking through it all.

I struggle, hard, with feeling weakness, expressing tenderness, or being seen as weak/vulnerable. I’m not sure if I was that way as a child but I know it was something I developed around my early teenage years. If you’ve been a reader for a while the next part of my story is nothing new, so hang out for a minute. When I was 13 (and right before my freshman year of high school) my father died very suddenly and I was left without closure, even to this day I feel myself wrapped in a level of confusion and disbelief when I think of his death. I was in that stage of puberty where everything was changing and I was REALLY close with my dad and felt lost. Then…just 2.5 years later my mother passed away while I was a junior. At that moment I took on this internal title of orphan. I knew that i was surrounded by loving, supporting, and encouraging family/friends but I had never felt so alone. I felt like I had to grow quickly to become the older sister / authoritarian and protector of not only myself but my little brother as well.

I experienced great tragedy and yet kept taking steps forward. I was told time and time again by everyone that I was “so strong” and that label was slapped on me time and time again with each passing year and every time I told my story. In college when I met other people and shared my story there would be this small whisper of “wow, you’re so strong” and even now into my adulthood I hear “You’re seriously one of the strongest people I know.” One side of the sword is finding comfort in those words; in seeing all the good that can come from my struggles; in being someone who can carry a lot and still grow…it feels good. The other side I am left feeling hollow, gutted, and like I can in no way EVER show weakness because everyone accepts me to just be strong.

A few years back during one of my counseling sessions I brought up to my therapist that someone said that phrase to me again and how defeating it felt and the words she said hit so close to home “people don’t realize how much time you’ve spent trying to be the exact opposite”. I guess I may need to clarify the point she made. There are many thing I have worked through (and will probably still need to work through) in counseling over the years but one of my biggest problems is not being able to readily access emotional responses. I “numb out” and go into action mode, I don’t allow myself time to really feel the current emotion and then at some point my anxiety triggers the cage I’ve locked them in and I become a blubbering ball of mess.

I’ve worked really, really hard (and continue to work) to not always be the strongest in the room. It’s hard for me to admit that because I want to be strong and relied on and the one who KNOWS what to do (hello enneagram 8). Yet, there is something so freeing, so liberating in knowing that it’s ok to feel all the feelings and be a little weak. Let’s replace weakness with the word tenderness here. Tenderness is beautiful, it is a moment in time where you give yourself grace to process all that you’ve walked through. It’s the ability to know when to say no and to set up healthy boundaries. It’s the comforting hug of loving yourself and loving others…we honestly could all use a little more tenderness.

So friend, if you’re tired of fighting; if you’re tired of carrying the mantle and your sword is heavy . . . it is ok to rest.

Replace weakness with tenderness.
Replace some strength with some recovery.
You can do this.

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By:amurray

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Hello Friends

I'm Amy and I am so blissed out that you are here. To sum up A Loved Life in three words it would simply be: home, health, and adventure. So if you enjoy laughter, hope, adventures, and pursuing life to the fullest - this place is for you. Please feel free to read along as I share all about this crazy thing called life.

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🍁🍂 FALL GIVEAWAY 🍁🍂 Y'all know I love 🍁🍂 FALL GIVEAWAY 🍁🍂

Y'all know I love this season! Cooler temps, bonfires, sweet treats, and the urge for a new book to dive into! I wanted to do a fun little giveaway to help brighten your season! 

Here's how to enter: 
⋒ Like this post 
⋒ Follow me 
⋒ Comment below and tell me your favorite fall dessert 
⋒ Tag 1 friend who is also obsessed with fall. (each additional tag is an extra entry)

ᕱ BONUS ENTRY: 
Share this post to your stories and tag me so I can see! ((If you have a private account make sure you screenshot it and DM it to me))

That's all y'all! Best of luck!
🍂🍁

ᕱ Giveaway ends Tuesday night & the winner will be announced Wednesday here and in my stories!
ᕱ This giveaway is not sponsored or affiliated with instagram.
I really do love seeing all the Halloween decorati I really do love seeing all the Halloween decorations in our home...it is just is so nice to have a little extra reminder of the seasons passing. 🎃

That being said these bad boy decorations will be taken down before Halloween this year (WAHHH) because we're getting our floors re-done. If you saw my stories a little while back we had another flooding situation in the downstairs closet so that's also meaning we're getting the floors refinished. 🤦‍♀️

So send me some prayers because we have to packup/move three rooms of our house to prepare in the next few weeks! 
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#alovedlife #halloween #halloweendecor #halloweendecorations #halloweendecorating #halloweenlife #allhallowseve #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
Soooooooo today's my birthday 🥳 Another year Soooooooo today's my birthday 🥳 

Another year around the sun and another birthday advice post up on the blog ((link in profile). This is seriously one of my favorite posts to write each year. 

On the docket today: a few friends swung by for a hello, doing some work, and going over the my aunt & uncles for dinner. I'm super thankful to be with Eddie this year and have time together with him and the kitties.

Speaking of kitties, I swear Loki exists he is just camera shy so Shadow is in 90% of the photos. 

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#alovedlife #fall #autumn  #halloween #fallisintheair #birthdayadvice #ohhey #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
These little babes are obsessed with the pumpkins These little babes are obsessed with the pumpkins on the stairs and I often find them chewing on their faux stems. 

🎃🐱

Seriously, aren't they the cutest?!

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#alovedlife #movie #halloweentown #halloween #halloweendecor #halloweendecorations #halloweendecorating #halloweenlife #allhallowseve #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
🖤 SPOOKY SEASON IS HERE! 🖤 Which means it's 🖤 SPOOKY SEASON IS HERE! 🖤
Which means it's time to start watching some fun Halloween movies!

I'm not the biggest scary / gory movie fan so I've compiled a list of some of my favorite movies & tv shows to watch during October all up on the blog today!

Click on over to see if some of your favorites are on the list and tell me below what you love watching this season! 
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#alovedlife #halloween #halloweendecor #halloweendecorations #halloweendecorating #halloweenlife #allhallowseve #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
Oliver is over here just living his best life. 🖤

This morning may not have gone as planned but I still managed to make the best of it by getting a walk in downtown and grabbing a cup of coffee from the place @mountain_ed and I had our first date.

Also, anyone else just feeling fall so much this year?!
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#alovedlife #movie #halloweentown #halloween #halloweendecor #halloweendecorations #halloweendecorating #halloweenlife #allhallowseve #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
Is it Tuesday? Yes, yes it is. It's a hazy rainy Is it Tuesday? Yes, yes it is. 

It's a hazy rainy morning in Charleston today and I'm not going to lie I'm hardcore loving it. All that's missing is a cooler temperature and a mountain view...but i"ll take my little browning leaves peek of yellow attempting to show that fall color.

What's on your to-do list today? For me...responding to emails, getting quotes out, doing my part time job, and hunting for a client wardrobe piece WHILE MAYBE getting a table off of facebook marketplace . . . so coffee was in order.
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#alovedlife #fall #autumn  #halloween #halloweendecor #halloweendecorations #halloweendecorating #halloweenlife #allhallowseve #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
It's MONDAY which means I'll share some joy by pos It's MONDAY which means I'll share some joy by posting my indoor Halloween decorations up on the blog (link in profile). 

🎃

If you're a Halloween celebrator have you started (or already finished like me) your decorating? I wanna see the goooodddssssss!
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#alovedlife #halloween #halloweendecor #halloweendecorations #halloweendecorating #halloweenlife #allhallowseve #october #spookyseason #spooky #instahalloween #everydayishalloween #trickortreat #fall #livethelittlethings #collectivelycreate #documentyourdays #thatauthenticfeeling #momentslikethese #charlestonblogger #charlestonbloggers #charleston #holdersnotfolders
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