ah – weight loss.
this is something that makes me cringe and get excited in the same breathe.
also – weight is a touchy subject for 99% of women (and men).
i am not going to lie – posting this is really scary for me.
no one wants to be suuuper vulnerable with the world – especially when posting “not so flattering” pictures.
let’s get real shall we?
i’ve hated my weight since i was 13 years old – yup, started that young.
and by hated i mean i have had many nights of tears, screaming, and self-loathing that have eaten me alive for years. i would binge eat my feelings, boredom eat, eat to “prove i didn’t care what you thought”….etc. food was a comfort to me – and still can be. i struggle with food addiction.
i’ve yo-yo dieted.
eaten restricted calories.
played sports (swam competitively for 13 years!).
gone through fads.
tried slim fast / special k / weight watchers / etc.
i’ve never “loved” my body.
while i may have liked certain assets – the whole package never made me happy.
and when i really boiled it down to the truth – i put myself there.
i chose to not exercise.
i chose to not eat healthy.
i chose to stay in an horrible cycle that only took years off of my life.
2012 was the heaviest i have ever been (i was even heaver than my highest point in high school). i am not really sure how i got there, but i did. it was a low, low season for me. i hated myself even more.
then i decided to change.
i can not remember the exact moment, thought, picture, conversation that sparked the true momentum but it happened. last march (2013) i started seeing a trainer once a week. i cut back on eating out, started cooking more and really researching healthy recipes. i started making slow changes in my day to day life that i knew would one day add up to bigger changes.
the weight slowly, very slowly, began to come off.
one pound here, two pounds there, three pounds….then up 4 pounds, then down two….it was a weird cycle. it was like my body just didn’t know what was happening.
last fall (2013) is when i really, really got serious.
for two weeks i reset my body with a strict lean meats and veggies diet.
it stretched me – it also showed me that i could do this.
i started lifting weights more.
i started running again.
i started filling my fridge with healthy food and not setting myself up for failure.
i started making smarter choices.
i started being serious about the rest of my life.
i want to live as long as God allows me – and i want to live healthy.
since this blog is my little place to help remember details – i want to remember right now.
i’m just passed the middle of this journey.
last year i lost around 40lbs – so i’m over the “halfway goal”.
i still have a little ways to go before i reach my “goal weight“.
(about another 20-25 pounds)
i still look in the mirror most days and am not happy with what i see…this is a mindset i’m working on changing. i want to love myself and be proud of the progress i have made so far.
so i’ve tried on some of these outfits again to help myself see the progress.
they say pictures speak 1,000 words…and to me, these do.
these are my “in-progress” pictures.
i still have some target areas i want to work on, but i’m getting stronger and healthier.
& for kicks…
// i am finally able to fit into a pair of pants from 9TH GRADE! they are from my ‘punk’ phase and one of the only pieces i held on to. they are still tight and not super flattering but i can button them and that is progress i haven’t seen in YEARS.
// this is a new dress i got – size 10 i haven’t been that size since what…middle school? i am definitely NOT a size 10 in everything, right now i’m a size 14 in old navy shorts…so that is insane progress too!
i also want this journey i’m on to inspire other people.
you can do it.
and i used to hate that saying of “if i can, you can” but it is so true.
if i, a girl who struggles with food addiction, can get healthy. so can you.
it is hard, hard work.
i’m not going to tell you that some magic pill exists out there.
i’m not going to tell you that you need to be disciplined for just two weeks and then it works.
it’s a moment to moment thing. struggling through the choices of “do i really need that bagel?” until they become a little less painful.
it’s FORCING yourself to go outside and be active, even though you would rather curl up in front of the tv with a pizza (or chinese!).
over time, your body will get stronger and you will realize you’re capable of so much.
you’ll start to enjoy the challenge – and enjoy seeing your body get healthier.
so this is where i am.
a little past the half-way point.
some days are easier than others, but i’m getting there.
i still have my cheat meals, and days i don’t want to work out; but this isn’t just some diet/workout phase i’m going through, i’m making this a lifestyle.
i’d like to hit my “goal” by the end of the year – that is the “long goal”.
the less-realistic goal would be to hit the ~25lbs by the end of july.
what are some of your goals?